9 Crimes
by MyTeenageDream
Summary: Sirius Black has done many things in his life, some of which have led him here. Nine stick out very clearly, hurting him daily. Set sometime before Prisoner of Azkaban. Slight Remus/Sirius depending on how you take it. Loosely based off of a song.


9 Crimes

So this is a oneshot…I guess it's kinda a songfic…I got the idea from the song 9 Crimes by Damien Rice, but nothing else really relates that well in my opinion…Anywayzzz…

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Sirius knew he had made mistakes in his past. Some of them had led him to the hell he was in now. Azkaban. Of course, the crime he had been sentenced for did not directly relate to the crimes that affected, not only him, but those he was closest to, but if he hadn't...things would have turned out much differently. His life, and those of his friends, would have been spared. His friend's deaths were his fault. His living friends wouldn't have to deal with the loss of the dead.

Though he was used to the terrible days in Azkaban (or as he called it, ASSkaban), it didn't make them any better, or easier to bear for that matter. He was in the most secure area of the prison, therefore taking away any possibilty of visitors, not that anyone would want to visit him. His best friend was dead, Peter was faking being dead, and Remus...He couldn't think of him. It caused him too much pain.

For some reason, all he could hear was some Muggle song. 9 Crimes, he thought, somehow knowing the title and the lyrics, not in his ears, but in his heart. Sirius thought of his 9 Crimes. The ones that had brought him, not to Azkaban, but somewhere worse. Denial.

Quickly, he found a way to vent. Taking the copy of the Daily Prophet that the Minister had given him, he turned to a near-blank page and, with the pen he was given when he lied about missing the crossword puzzles and wrote.

Sirius' 9 Crimes

1) Changing secret keepers

He thought about this one. If it hadn't happened, he would still have his best friend and his wife and son. He also wouldn't have the hole that Peter Pettigrew had cut in his heat by indirectly murdering three of the people he loved. He would be able to take care of Harry now if he wasn't framed.

2) Not telling Dumbledore or Remus

This one hurt him too. If Dumbledore had known, he would have gotten a fair trial, along with the capture and possible excution of the rat. And if Remus had known...If he knew he wouldn't be so pained by lying to him. If he knew, he and Dumbledore could have demanded a trial and fought for him. Sirius had memories that could prove him innocent. They haunted him everyday.

3) Taking it upon himself to try and kill Peter

He knew it was all in anger and grief. He had just lost his best friend and probably would never see his godson again, no thanks to the rat. But part of him knew, even as he searched for him, that he was making a mistake. Not the one he would be wrongly convicted of, but for not putting him through worse. Aurors would gladly give him twice the hell Sirius would. They were aloud to use Unforgivable curses for those they had proof as to their loyalty. The truth lay in his memories.

4) Not fighting for custody of Harry

This crime made him cry. He loved the little baby, who must now be...he looked at the date. His 13th birthday. Sure, he had asked Hagrid but he was told that he was going to live with his only living relatives. What relatives though? His living relatives were just like his mostly dead ones. Not his family. Just people who were there, like pavement. No necessary purpose, and hurting you more when you fall.

He met the family of Lily Evans. Her parents had died some time after she left Hogwarts. Her sister was all of the things she called Lily and worse. How could Harry be sent to live with someone like that?

5) Letting his friends think of him as a Death Eater.

Sirius had no clue why they would think that. He also knew that everyone could be someone else, so it was obvious for everyone to live in fear of those they knew best. Even he had suspected Remus. Thinking of this, he almost crossed the crime out, but decided against it when he thought about it. _It's still my fault…_

6) Going insane (Probably because of Bellatrix's cell being next to his)

Night after night, all Sirius heard was cackling laughter. Bellatrix...he thought. But that wasn't the worst of it. Sure, knowing of his innocence was neither a happy nor sad memory, so it didn't hurt him, and as a dog his emotions weren't easy for the Dementors to sense, but sometimes he would just want to let it hurt him. But no. He couldn't. He had no reason to. He was innocent.

7) Not seeing the rat for what he was. A rat.

How could he miss it? It should have been obvious. He had started to slip away and...He should have seen that. Of course, who would believe him? They say that a group is only as strong as its weakest link. Peter was that link. Or, at least everyone thought he was…All Sirius knew was that after Peter betrayed the Potters, the Marauders fell apart.

8) Not telling Remus how he felt

Thinking of the werewolf only made the days harder. _No…I can't think of him…It's just food to the Dementors. _There wasn't much more to say. At least not now that Remus probably hated him for various reasons, and would hate him even more if they were to ever speak again. If he was somehow able to actually see his best friend, his lover if things had gone right…_Remus…_The good memories brought, for the first time in almost 12 years, a small smile to his face. _Come on Sirius, reminisce…Torture those Dementors the way they've tortured you…_

Sirius stopped. If he reminisced much more, the painful memories, regrets, that followed would be unbearable. Even the small moment of hope wasn't worth it. He sighed, looking at the newspaper, deciding to read it just to know what was going on. Just to…

No…it couldn't be…

There he was. Right in front of him. Yet, he wasn't. "He's at Hogwarts…" Sirius muttered, thinking about the rat. And there was the 9th crime.

9) Not doing this a long time ago

With that, he crumpled the list, making a mental note to make sure it was discarded.


End file.
